Hello, Reader!

Happy September!

I am so excited to announce that I am finally trying to get back into a routine after baby and an upturned summer and the juices are starting to flow again. Its amazing how rusty you can feel after such a short time. I am praying for all of you as we once again brave the rocky terrain of family routine habit building after the summer laxity. You are not alone in this season, my friend... and the discipline will be good for us! (*It better be!*)

As we try to shift into this new season, it is easy to hype ourselves up with the initial motivation, but when we are faced with equally intense resistance - as is ALWAYS the case when we resolve to regain lost ground - obstacles, excuses, failures, and becoming disheartened threaten to make it impossible for us to actually achieve what we are aiming for. This painful reality usually has me debilitated off and on for the whole month of September almost every year.

This year is no exception.

"This time I’m really going to get it right. This time I’m going to be able. This time it will be perfect. This time I will succeed."

Nevertheless, nothing.

Unfortunately, great intentions never equal success in and of themselves.

"God, I’m tired. A fraud. An unworthy, incapable mess."

What is it exactly? Do I not have enough faith? Enough consistency? Enough determination? Enough hope? Am I trying too hard or not enough? When I read about all the spiritual greats, it seems like somehow it was so easy for them. Like magically they just loved enough, they “got” it, they were perfect without any conscious choice at all. Sometimes in my chagrin and disappointment, I wonder if You just “made them perfect” to make the rest of us look incompetent.

Are my expectations too high? Maybe my problem is my idealism. I probably just need to cut myself a bit more slack.

Maybe I should become obsessed with “recovering from my perfectionism” like everyone else, with “giving myself grace”, and lowering my expectations. With accepting everything imperfect as “good enough” because “that’s what love means”.

But, no. I cannot.

That’s not what love means, and the more we let go of our desire for perfection the more we let go of our desire for God.

You say, “Be perfect, even as your heavenly father is perfect.” (Matthew 5:48)

What if, instead, the problem lies in our definition of perfection?

What if it's not about being perfect in action per sé, maybe it's about being perfect in love? It's not about me treating my kids perfectly, it's about learning to love them perfectly.

I can't handle any more boxes to check, but loving more deeply? My soul literally YEARNS for that!

And, here’s the amazing, magical part, Perfect love will always necessarily manifest itself in perfect action, almost as if without effort!

But what if my love is imperfect?

What if my definition of love is skewed or my heart would rather pursue things that are more attractive or more comfortable. It’s so easy to roll over and say, “well, I’m not a saint” – as if that means I shouldn’t have to be pursuing it. Sainthood, aka, “perfection”, in the sense we are talking, is not a gift reserved for a select few in faraway lands and faraway times. Perfection is a calling NOW, for every person in every circumstance.

This is where prayer comes in. Prayer isn’t about asking for stuff we want or somehow trying to convince God to make life go my way. Prayer is about letting God transform our hearts, and asking Him to teach us deeper, greater, better, stronger love.

To me that sounds much more attractive than box-checking.

I didn't manage to pull together a specific September gift this month except the little prayer above. Instead, here are links to a couple articles you might appreciate on this topic if it resonated with you:

• ​Invite God into your Mess​
• ​Why it might be Part of God's Plan that I Fail​
• ​When Goals Steal your Peace​
• ​When You just Don't Love Enough​

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Until next time,

<3,